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Words of wisdom:
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| last night |
| 07.30.04 (9:16 am) [edit] |
I saw Ash. That was awesome but when is it not? Jake went and got here which I appreciate alot. Ash and I hung out and had our fun doing our "stuff" and we went to the mall and got food and coffee well I did Ash didnt want any....
We took some pictures in the little photo booth thing and those came out good cuz they're us together but I dont like the way I look in em. I guess thats to be expected when you dont take good pics like EVER lol
After Jake got her hom I slept at his house and thats pretty much the end of it.
Well lata,
Corey
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| a poem by me "The Needle" |
| 07.28.04 (11:38 pm) [edit] |
I've posted this poem before but I've been having those withdrawl stomach aches and I wanted to post it here. Once again this is a poem that I wrote called "The Needle"
You stick the needle in. It penetrates the skin. Do you realize you have junkie fever?
Your veins are falling through. Your mind is failing too,but you need to stick the needle in.
Your thoughts are crazed. Your wisdom hazed,but the junkie fever carries on. You've got the fever. It only carries on.
It happend so fast. The fun of it has passed. You only wish it all could stop. But it goes on,and you go on. It only carries on.
You love to feel it but hate to love it. Your friend and enemy "the needle"
You walk,you stumble. Try to talk,you mumble. You're in too deep. Now you crave "the needle" How you hate to love "the needle"
You say you're alright, but I see your fright. You know you have junkie fever.
You've got the shakes. You wont stop for anyones sake. Face it Corey you're really strung. You need the needle,you need the needle,you only need the needle.
SO DONT DO DRUGS!!! And it's copyrighted assholes so fuck off!!!
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| I lost my job... |
| 07.25.04 (6:42 pm) [edit] |
but am I unhappy....no. I lost it cuz I saw Ash yesterday and called in and said I couldnt go in cuz I was outta town.
I mean it when i say this. I wouldnt change that for anything. My day yesterday was amazing and Ash and I are much closer now. There are other jobs. But there has never been a girl like this one. I love her. Shes way worth my loss.
No paycheck could ever replace her and hey I still get paid this week too so whatever. I'll go job hunting again this week. I'm still happy and nothing can dampen my spirit.
I did the right thing. Atleast it was the right thing to me.
I love you Ashley,more than you'll ever know.
~Corey
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| my day... |
| 07.24.04 (9:58 pm) [edit] |
I saw Ashley today wOOt!!! It was amazing. We hung out at my crib like we always do and it was the bestest time ever. We cuddled up and made out and did "stuff" ALOT OF STUFF!!! It was amazing....thats the only thing that can explain it.
Even though I've always loved her,today I feel as if I fell in love with her all over again. I'm on cloud nine right now. It never ceases to amaze me how close we become every time we get together. Our relationship always improves. I dont understand it,but I love it. How could someone be so perfect and why me? What have I ever done to deserve someone so beautiful inside and out?
But even though were happily in love my baby is sad :cry: Ash,you're never alone baby. I'm always here. I promise I'll stay by your side until the day I die. I promise that my hear will always belong to you. I'll never hurt you and I'll always be faithful to you. I'll always be here if you need to talk and I'll always do my very best to make you 100% happy. Yer my babydoll and my princess remember? I'll love you forever. Someday we'll be married and I'll always take care of you and our lil ones. I promise to be as much of a man as I can be...always.
I dont know what else to say.. I love her. With everything in me and even outside of me.
I'm off to talk to her on AIM
later peoples,
Corey
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| Updates good yes? |
| 07.23.04 (2:33 pm) [edit] |
so uhh yeah,I didnt get to see Ashley today (sighs and tears) But I get to see her tomorrow. for once my dad decided to be halfway helpful and he said he'd go pick her up. (jumps up and down)
Jake,well he thinks I'm pissed off at him. I'm not pissed off at him so much as I am that he called me about it way too late. At that time I couldnt find an alternative for getting to Ponchy to get Ash. So Jake you can rest easy cuz I'm not mad at you. I forgot about that trip too. Sorry I couldnt go bro. Work has to be gotten to lol.
Oh I tried calling my friend Seth and he said hed do it today but then all of the sudden he had something to do too. Now isnt that ironic......friends (OI) I mean I love my friends. they're important to me and they're usually there for me for the most part. I guess sometimes shit happens. Things just havent been working in mah favour lately.
Well I guess that about does it for today.
I love you Ash!
~Corey
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| I wanna swollow shards of glass right now... |
| 07.22.04 (9:14 pm) [edit] |
Things are poo+50 cents right now!!! I wanna see my girlfriend,but I cant see my g/f prolly cuz my ride over there called me late to tell me hes got other plans tomorrow. DAMN YOU JAKE!!! I"LL KILL YOU YOU HOMOSEXUAL FOOL!!!!
Nah Jake I shall spare your life....for now 8)
I hope I can see Ash though. I miss her way to much. It sucks monkey balls!!!
Well I think I'll cut it short.
lata biatches,
your antisocial people hating host.....Corey :twisted:
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| big fat old guys in diapers....or not cuz that would be kinda sick |
| 07.16.04 (11:49 am) [edit] |
things are still cool. I havent worked since Wednesday but I'm going back tomorrow. Uhh Ash and me are doing well. I've been trying to see her but it hasnt worked thus far. Thats ok though cuz I'll see her soon. I know it!! :) Not a complete smile but it a smile right? Shes trying to find a ride here so she can spend the night with me. If she can tonighs gonna be hott!! I wont go into details though cuz I'm sure my readers dont wanna know exactly what we be doin in our spare time together. It's really awesome though.
Thats about alls I got for yall today. Sorry it's so short.
*muahs for Ash*
~Corey
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| my new job... |
| 07.14.04 (8:37 pm) [edit] |
Oh my frigging God in the name of Jesus Christ I cannot believe the night I had tonight. I'm working in the kitchen of Come Back In and they worked the hell outta me. I was there from 3:00 to close at 11:00. I guess I'm not complaing cuz I wanted this job and this job pays well so I'm thankful for it. My prayers are anwered and now I can finnaly make my baby happy cuz I'm smiling big...underneath the aggony I'm in cuz my legs and back are killing me. But I dont care cuz I'm happy :D I'm proud of myself. *pats self on back* I feel like I'm doing something good and responsible. I know that sounds corny but I've needed a job for a damn long time and now I can go back to school. I'm gonna be a college guy again wOOt!!! lol
I feel bad about not talking to Ash tonight though. I did talk to her earlier but I just want her so bad right now. It would just make my night to talk to her. I hope I do. She'd make me smile even bigger than I am now if I talked to her. So *crosses fingers* hehe
I love you bay. I thought about you the whole time I was working tonight. I promise!!!! :D Only bad thing about that is I wasnt watching what I was doing and a big pot fell on me :lol: I felt like a dummy but I was a happy dummy :D I miss you so much Ash. You're still the most important part of my life like ya always were!!
Well I'm going to go eat something and go lay down and wait for my baby to call me oh wait she just IM'ed me.
BYE!!!
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| uhh BUNNY!!! |
| 07.13.04 (9:06 pm) [edit] |
I got AFI on my blog!!! I love AFI!!! Well I liked em when Davie Havok was the singer but then they got this new chick singer. Shes pretty cute but not Davie Havok. LMAO A friend of mine said that and I thought it was quite funny.
Anyways yeah I think thats about my update for the night so BACK OFF!!! hehe
I love you Ashley!!
~Corey
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| I <3 my babydoll!!! |
| 07.12.04 (10:55 pm) [edit] |
I love my Ashley so much!!! I just read her blog and she said some of the sweetest things I've ever heard. I'm still shocked and awed hehe. I miss her. I need to see her really soon. This weekend marks our nine months being together!!! YAY!!! Maybe I can see her then. I really really hope so.
I feel so crappy about not talking to her much lately. Ima stay home tomorrow and talk to her. I miss talking to her for hours at a time on the phone. We talk about the weirdest things sometimes but it dosent really matter what we talk about cuz it's with her. Nothing in this world matters except being with her. Shes the biggest part of me. Without her...I'm nothing. Being in love is the best feeling ever.
Well i think I'm going to bed cuz I havent got much sleep in the past few days.
later peoples,
Corey
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| fuck beans!!! |
| 07.08.04 (8:02 pm) [edit] |
URGH!!!! My day today was crap! Everyone in my house just seemed to have it out for me today,I didnt talk to Ash much so I really didnt have much positive to think about,and that fucking resteraunt didnt call me back therefore I'm still broke. I'm so tired. I'm physically and mentally tired and I'm so fucking awake. I feel stuck in this shitty cycle and theres no way out. It's been this way ever since I quit teaching martial arts and making money out the booty. I just did what I though was best. The instructor picked favorites. I was the teacher of this one age group and I watched some of those kids succeed and he wouldnt let me pass them on to the next belt. Then I had to explain to the kids why they didnt make it. Alot of them did cuz George (the main instructor) liked them and their enthuasim but then there were those kids who didnt have it as much but they still deserved to move on cuz they worked hard. I should know I was there while that old bastard was in his office sipping tea. So the end of the story is I quit because there was too much bullshit involved and I was tired of seeing disappointed faces. I hated seeing those kids so down.
So after I quit that job I had no money to pay for school so I had to quit that too. Seeing as I had to finacial aid I had no means of making it through. College life sucks my ass. Hell life itself sucks my ass. I've waited too long to pick myself back up. I wanna get back into school. I wanna graduate. I wanna make something of myself. I wanna be somebody accomplished. I wanna make my girlfriend and my futre wife (Ash hehe) happy,and be able to support her and my kids. I dont wanna be a broke kid anymore. All I ask is for one more opportunity. Just one more shot. Everyone wants me to join the military but they forget thats the exact system I'm against. I wouldnt support or fight for this country if it COULD answer all my cries for help. Dont get me wrong I am American. I was born here. My whole lifes here but it's turned into something so....wrong. Our president has become the last and most powerful dictator in history. Even worse than Hitler....well in my opinion anyway. I'm not exactly in the mood to explain so maybe later.
And God...well thats a whole other story in itself. I've prayed,and begged and pleeded with him to help me get through but no answers yet. What is it God that makes me exempt from your grace and mercy? Why is it that I must suffer in order to see things in the right light? You've answered my prayers for love,but never have you once carried me through life when I've needed it. Everything I've done has been because I've struggled for it and succeeded in it somehow....by the skin on my teeth. Lord,I've asked so many times. I've been a faithful servant. I've given you the due credit. All I need is some answers here. If I am to be with Ash forever why cant you help me so that both of our lives can be happy ones? I love her and I thank you for her but we both need for me to be educated so that I can provide for us and so that I can say I did it. I want that so bad. I just want to excel. So lord with faith and with hope I pray for you to help me to get a job and get back in school. Thats all I ask. I need your help. I've proven that I cant do it alone. I need you. I need help. There I've admitted it. Never have I EVER publicly asked for help so God please help me. I'm so lost.
I've said some terrible things lately to people that dont deserve it. For that I'm sorry. I've treated everyone else like dirt cuz I wasnt happy. I know it's wrong...I'm sorry. I know that three simple words such as "I am sorry" dont simply make it all diffrent and better but it's how I truly feel. If theres anything I can do to make it up to anyone please let me know.
This post is not a guilt tripp and I DONT want anyones pitty. I just had so much to get off my chest. If anyone has any miracle advice for me sure I'll hear it this time but throughout all of this I've felt so alone. I have Ash and that always makes it easier. Shes really amazing. Shes simply the best thing to ever happen to me. I just need so much. And as soon as my life gets together things will get so much easier for me and I'll be able to smile alot for Ash. She loves it when I smile. It seems thats all she ever asks of me.....just a smile. Nothing more. I dont understand how someone could be so beautiful and so innocent. I love her with everything in me. I want to smile for her so bad. I know it'd make her happy. If she dosent want material things and she dosent need expensive dinners and shopping trips I atleast want to give her a smile. The most genuine one ever. If this stuff comes through for me I'll be able to smile every day. I'll be happy with everything in my life. Thats what she would want and thats what I want more than anything. I love you baby!
Well I think I'm finished here. Thank you tblog for always being here ^_^ Well unless you're down for repairs or something which if that be the case I have a purple notebook lol But anyway....
later days,
Corey
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| I'll teach you to be happy and I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs... |
| 07.05.04 (8:27 pm) [edit] |
I told her I would shoot but she didnt believe me!!!!! Why didnt she believe me?! LOL sorry I was listening to the Happy Happy Joy Joy song. It's great fun!!
My day today sucked though. It sucked well.....eggs yeah thats it eggs!! I dunno I just felt like poo all day and I havent talked to Ashley today or tonight at all. She said she would call. :cry: Nah if she hasnt called me theres prolly a good reason. I'll be ok I guess. I just hope to talk to her soon its like really late and shit. She should be home by now. I'm just worried about her. I dont want anything to happen to my babydoll. That would be really bad. I would have to go jump into moving traffic if something happend. I just wanna know shes ok.
Well besides worrying about Ash I went to Come Back In (the job I got) and they told me to come back tomorrow and talk to the manager. So I got the job pretty much. I'll have it by sometime this week.
I suppose thats it for today peeps.
lata everyone,
Corey
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| since my last entry... |
| 07.04.04 (2:01 pm) [edit] |
Everythings been good. I've been happy. Smiles all over this lil face :D See? Theres one now..lol Since Ash's birthday things have been great. I've stuck with the commitment I mad for her...well I always have but now it's just more of a powerful thing. I've been to two parties in the past two days and I was pretty much sober for both of them cuz I just didnt really wanna drink without Ash. It would just make more sense to me to do it if shes there rather than like a bunch of girls I wouldnt wanna tap with a ten foot pole ya know. Thats just what love is I suppose. If I was kinda buzzing and I wanted to get "close" to someone I would want that someone to be her and ONLY her.
So since I've given her the ring and have made that commitment to her I've stuck with it really good and I'm gonna continue to do it until the day I die.
I hope I see her again soon. I miss her already. It sucks monkey butt!!! But I got a job coming this week at Come Back In. Its a resteraunt really close to my house. And my dad is paying for me to get my car insurance and shit like that.
Speaking of my old man. I talked to him thursday night after Ash left and he was freaking out about how all of his immediate family is dead and he had a dream that I died as well. He was broken down into tears on the phone with me and he said he just wanted to hear my voice to know I'm ok. All this time I thought he was really fucking loaded the whole time hes just been under alot of emotional stress. I feel as if I understand him alittle more now. Actually I've suffered his pain and had his addiction and I think I understand him more than just about anyone. I'm more like my dad then I've ever admitted to before. It's kinda weird actually....the way he explains it all. I just feel his every word. I know how much pain hes in and I know how it feels to be weak. Hell if it werent for Ash I would still be in all that pain. I would still be an addict. So in some crazy way I'm all hes got left and hes actually trying to be what he shoulda been so long ago. I dont need a father. I've been my whole life without one,but he's still my blood and I still came from him. I guess no matter how I look at it we are linked in some way. And right now that dosent seem so bad anymore. I just wish him the best of luck. For the first time in my life I can say I'm kinda pleased with how my dads been doing.
Well I guess thats about it for now. i think It's long enough...dont you? Yeah so anyways...I love you Ash.
~Corey
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| My babys birthday!!! |
| 07.01.04 (9:16 pm) [edit] |
Happy birthday Ash!!! Today was so awesome. It had to be the single best day in my entire life. I saw her today and we cuddled and kissed and did "stuff" and that was lots of fun.
So anyways the big gift that I got her was a promise ring that I bought from Zales. The coolest part is that she was looking at that same ring that I bought online and she had i saved as one of her favs. Even cooler than that I had no clue that she was looking at that ring or that she wanted one. It was pure instinct. I find that to be awesome. Everything is so perfect with us. She said to me tonight that this proves that were meant to be together. I so believe that too. Everything just falls into place so perfectly. And go figure my mom loves her to death. My mom never likes my girlfriends. I have no doubt in my mind that her and I are meant for each other and we'll be together forever.
So yeah anyways. Today after we hung out at my house we went to the Cheesecake Beestro and the food was awesome but they give you enough to feed your friggin family for a week lol. Then we came home and ate cake and we sang happy birthday and Ash blew out the candles. Isnt that cute? :D Oh I almost forgotted that after we left the resteraunt we went outside to wait for me Grandma and we sat on this bench and it was right in front of this tourch/fountain. It was beautiful. And it was warm. Sitting there all cuddled up with Ash felt so right and just good all over. I couldnt be any happier. I just dont see how things could get any better than the way they are. I'm so in love with her. I'll never leave her side.
When I gave her that ring it meant I gave her my word that I'll never leave. I'll always take care of her and no matter what I'm always gonna do my best to make her happy. From now until the day I die I completely submit my heart and my life to her. I promise to love and respect you for the rest of our days. I promise to always be faithful and never go astray. Ash will always be my top priority. I promise to give this relationship and my life with her 300% I'll never screw this up. I cant screw this up.
Well I think I'm outty. Ash...I love you so much baby. You are my everything. *muahs for my baby*
laters,
Corey
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Draw this darkness out like poison. Stab,retrieve,again decline. Help me drive the dagger deeper trace with me explicit line. Take this blade,a test of faith and strike me deep and true. I put all my trust in you...
This is my monkey! I shall name him Frank and he shall be mine!
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My love were meant to be like a raging fire that's burning free. My vision is blurry so I close my eyes and I see you here with me...
What else can I say? I love her.
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