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Words of wisdom:
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| ick!!! |
| 06.26.04 (11:10 pm) [edit] |
Things just turned to all out shit tonight. I didnt have the best night ever over at my boy Daves tonight. Things were just all weird with everyone tonight. And then Ash called me about a problem she had. I just wanted to say sorry Ash. What yall are going through is screwed up.
I just wish yall the best. I hope you work through alla this. I love you Ash. Just remember I'm here for ya ok?
well peace
~Corey
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| rainy days can be so bright and sunny... |
| 06.24.04 (7:38 pm) [edit] |
when you have the right company. I spent the day with my Ashley today!!! I missed her so much. It felt so good to finally be able to hold her and love her physically again. I'm still in lala land. :D We just chilled in my room and cuddled up in my bed and watched tv and "stuff" hehe that part was awesome. Btw Ash.....that felt really good :wink: And the best part is I get to see her in exactly a week from now too!! Theres a problem though...I miss her already :cry:
But anyways her lil sister Dixie came over with her and she played with my lil cousin Kimberly. they seemed to have fun. Well as much fun as your gonna have on a rainy day anyway.
Well I guess I'm gonna go to bed cuz I'm sleepy. I got like ten minutes of sleep last night. *yawns*
Ash,I love you so much baby!! Goodnight my love,and to all....
~Corey
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| when the dust settled I saw the sun... |
| 06.21.04 (8:04 pm) [edit] |
for the first time in a week I feel so much better. Ash is finally happy and were gonna be just fine. Her birthday is in like a a week and a few days. I got a great gift for her too. Its a great expensive pretty gift and theres nothing she can do about it!!!! mwahahahahaha!!!! :twisted: And when I get more money I'm gonna take her shopping and spend even more money on her!!!! mwahahahahahaha!!!!! I love this!! It's fuuuuuuuuuun!!!! wait just one more time....mwahahahahahahaha!!!!
And I'm done..lol It just so happens that when I renewed my faith in God and finally turned everything over to his hand things got better. Call it coincidence all you want but this is no coincidence. The day after I prayed things got better!! I feel so calm and so I dunno...good. But I dont care about myself I just want Ash to be happy and she is. Thank you God for that. I'm grateful to be happy but I said I would sacrifice myself for Ash to be happy and I mean it. So if making her happy meant me being completely miserable I would do it. But the plus side is I'm happy too!!! I thank God for Ash and I thank Ash for never giving up on us. I dont know what else to say besides life is good when you really look at it the right way. All that stuff about life being a coin was in the eyes of someone miserable. Life gets better if you truly desire for it to be that way.
Everyones so selfish. It's me me me gimme gimme gimme but that not the way you handle it. You have to ask for whats yours. It just so happens that Ash and I belong together. I know that in my heart. My whole life is her. Shes what made my life worth living. You have to find your someone,or something. Not all love is to another person. There are some things that just make you happy. Simple as that. Thats what you need to pray for....guidence and patience and wisdom. No matter if you believe in God or not you always need those things and ever since I've asked I have recieved just what I've asked for.
thats all I have to say...
~Corey
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| when I think of a topic I'll let ya know..all these fucking questions...jeez |
| 06.20.04 (9:52 pm) [edit] |
Yet another depressing day. I hate my life right now. If things dont look up soon I dunno what I'll do.
Ok so everythings ok in my life except Ash. I dont know what to do about her. Shes been so sad lately. She swears it's not me but I cant help but feel like I could be doing something better and making her so much happier. I miss the happy smiley Ashley so much. I just wish I could hear a smile in her voice just once before I go to bed. She was supposed to call me tonight but I guess she fell asleep or something. I just hope that we can talk tomorrow. We both need it.
I just wish that Ash knew just how much I think about her. Shes on my mind all day and night. Every decision I make it's with her on my mind. If I do something I think of her first. Shes my everything. I'd fall out of existence for her. I would cut my wrist and bleed to death for her and I would give my soul to make her feel better right now. Shes the sweetest,cutest,and bestest girlfriend ever and I absolutely love her.
Well I'm off to bed.
~Corey
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| I'm out of these stupid things |
| 06.20.04 (2:10 pm) [edit] |
I've noticed something pretty important just now. When you sit there wondering why life sucks so bad it's only what you make of it. Life itself is only a coin. You yourself have the power to flip it. It is not however our choice which side it falls on. While this "coin" is still in the air so are we. We have no idea where the winds will take us. We are by far the most ignorant race on this planet.
Then our coin lands and our path is chosen. Will we follow it or choose another when all it's gonna do is make our lives misserable. So far my coin has landed me in some cool situations yet sometimes it lands on the wrong side. But never has it been so bad cuz I have been blessed with a good girl and some good friends. That was always cool.
But this time the coin has landed on its edge and I have no idea what to do. But whatever it is it's my choice and mine alone but I'm so lost. I just hope that it all turns out ok.
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| hmm... |
| 06.20.04 (1:15 pm) [edit] |
I feel so confused. I dont know what to say or how to feel right now. It's fathers day oh joy but me and my dad arent gonna get together today. He didnt feel good. It really makes no diffrence to me.
Things with Ash are kinda strange right now. I mean were getting along and all that good stuff. Things are just weird. Somethings not right. I just dont know what yet. Shes been getting upset alot and shes been kinda distant. I havent talked to her all day and only a little while yesterday. Well she was busy yeserday but I'm still worried. I want things to be perfect again. I hope it's not me. I hope I didnt do anything to upset her and I hope that everythings ok in her world as well. I just wish that we had time to talk and alla that stuff ya know? I just dont understand the way things have been with us. I really just wanna understand.
I'm gonna go in my room and waste the day away now....
~Corey
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| I'm not exactly sure how things are right now. |
| 06.19.04 (11:34 pm) [edit] |
Things are just weird at this point. My family and me keep fighting...so un fucking cool. And to top things off my girlfriend has been really upset on and off lately. She called me tonight really really upset and I wanted to be there for her but at the same time it hurt me to hear her in so much pain. I hate it when shes not happy. Her and me really need to get together again soon. Were way overdue. :cry: I think thatll do a world of good for both of us. I love you Ash!!
Well I guess I'm outty peeps.
lata yall,
Corey
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| fuck this.... |
| 06.17.04 (6:13 pm) [edit] |
I'm in a fucking terrible mood today. I got one nerve left and my mom is jumping on it really hard!! I havent talked to Ash all damn day. I have no clue whats been up with her today. I tried calling her earlier today and no one picked up the phone. I just called her like 20 minutes ago and her brother picked up and said she aint there. She told me she was going out today but it just worries me cuz I havent heard her voice all day. I'm just in the worst mood ever today. I hope she calls me later cuz if not It's not gonna help my mood too much. I'm not like mad at her or anything...just really worried. It's a mixture of alot of things pissing me off right now.
I think I'm gonna go now. I dont feel like fucking writing right now. I just made myself. I'm going to eat everything in my kitchen cuz I'm depressed.
:( Corey :(
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| I need to smoke a bowl of crack!! |
| 06.17.04 (2:12 pm) [edit] |
or maybe not. I just got into it with my dear ol mom again. Why do we keep doing that? It never fails. We'll just be in the same room and we end up going at it. I think it's time I move out seriously. Me and my mom just dont get along anymore. I just wish she would go live with her boyfriend Jim and leave me here. Shes a good friend to have but she sucks at being a mother. I'll never understand some of the things she does as far as being a mom is concerned. I just think that if we were seperated we'd get along so much better. I'm getting older and so is she. It's time we stop playing the power tripp game. I need to make my own decisions and write my own agenda ya know. This is where the rest of my life begins. She needs to let go. I'm not just a teen anymore. I've grown up. This is where I'm supposed to be pushed outta the nest and learn to fly in a matter of speaking. I dont need to hold mommy's hand anymore. But it seems that she still needs to hold mine. Why does she refuse to let me be my own? I just dont understand. I'll never understand.
I mean I graduated high school and have even started my first semester of college. But it seems like my mom still sees that little boy in grade school. But I'm not that little boy anymore. I can make my own choices. I can make the right choices. I'm not saying I'm perfect but I know right from wrong. This makes no sence to me.
Well I guess I'm out. Later yall. Ash I love you!!
~Corey
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| I believe in a thing called loooooooooove!!! lol |
| 06.16.04 (12:32 am) [edit] |
So yeah things are alot better now. Ash and I have talked about things and I feel alot more secure now. My god I feel like I can fly right now. We just had the biggest,mushiest convo ever!!! It's funny a hard hearted SOB such as myself has turned into one of the happiest people in the world. Thats right kiddies I'm a hippy now..lol Well maybe not. I still express myself and even get into the same music. I just feel so foucused on my lifes goals and everything seems so much easier and more worth it to me. And its all because of Ash. It's just like you see in the movies. I have become what I've always wanted to become. I'm finnaly happy. I feel so free.
I hope to God she feels the same way. I want to make her as happy as shes made me. Shes amazing. I cant imagine where i would be right now if not for Ash. Everythings so perfect. We have great communication. We have all of our little cute,and mushy moments. Our "sex life" is more than satisfying. I think shes the hottest,and cutest girl on the planet!!! I seriously mean that too. Most people just say that,but I mean it. Our relationship is just simply awesome. I've had the best eight months ever. Hell I've been happy since I've met her. I was in love with her within the first few weeks of talking to her.
So that about sums it up. Everythings getting alot better now. Thank you Ash for understanding me so well. I love you!! :D I wish I could put that big dorky AIM smiley but that'll have to do I suppose.
Well goodnight everyone,or good morning rather. *yawns* I need sleep. Sleep is my new drug of choice. I've become addicted...lol Well I'm outty.
~Corey
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| a bad dream... |
| 06.15.04 (1:23 pm) [edit] |
So I wake up at like 6:00 in the friggin morning cuz I had a bad dream. That had to be the worst dream I've ever had. In this God forsaken dream I saw my girlfriend (Ash) and she was making out with this other guy. I have no clue who he was but when I saw them kissing I ran over and fucked the guy up really bad. I crushed his throat and beat him within an inch of his life but that didnt stop the pain. I looked at Ash and she looked at me. Then a tear dropped and I walked off and then I woke up.
Now what in the name of Christ was that all about? I love Ash so much and I wanna be with her forever. I trust her and everything but after that dream I think I'm gonna feel weird for a while. It was only a dream right? That has no significance in any way right? Someone please tell me that my dream wasnt real. Someone please tell me that my baby would never hurt me that way. We've been together for eight months almost and trust has never been an issue. I trust Ash with my heart and even with my life if I had to. I wish that fucking dream never happend.
Shes got this friend visiting for the summer. And go figure it a guy. I really didnt think much of it at first. Hell I still know in my heart that nothing is going on there but theres something inside me that eats a whole in my stomach every time she talks about him. I thought that I was done with being so jealous all the time when me and Marina broke up but I guess it's just a part of me I have to learn to deal with. I am a scorpio after all. Thats just how us peoples are.
But I still love her and nothing has happend. But then why do I feel this way? I have no reason to so....why? I think I need help. I need guidence. I need to just let go of all this jealousy. God I hate myself. I have so many flaws. Dont get me wrong ever since Ash has come into my life I've felt so complete and so happy. I just never want that to end. I dont wanna get hurt again. I've been cheated on so many times in the past. I just dont know how I'm gonna deal with this. From the dream I know how I would react if that happend. I hate that side of me. I hate the jealous,and violent side of me. I have so much to be thankful for so why the fuck must I suffer so much with all this? I think Ash,and I need to talk. I think we've needed to do that for a while. But I dunno lately I've been so diffrent...not myself ya know? No one else has noticed it but boy have I.
Ash please dont take this post the wrong way. I love you with everything in me and I'll never let go of you or this relationship. We promised to always be a couple and I'll always do my best to help keep that promise. I know you will too. I know Austins just a good friend to you and I know he means me no harm. I know he dosent wat to take you from me. I just have issues. Issues that need to be worked out. I love you so much babydoll. Please never forget that. From now on I'm gonna try to be me again. This has to stop. I'm tired of telling people I'm ok when i'm really not. I dont ever wanna lie again. I just want you. I want us to be closer than ever. I'm sorry for the way I've been acting bay. And please dont say I've been acting ok cuz we both know thats not true. Lets just try to move on from here ok? I know we'll make it through whatever drama comes our way. I know that our love is stronger than any bad feeling I'll ever have.
You're still my princess. You'll always be my princess and I'll always love you. I'll love you from the bottom of my heart and soul until the days we both die. even after that.
I'm sorry for the long post everyone and Ash I'm sorry for the way I've been feeling and acting. But where theres anger and jealousy theres just as much love thats only for you.
~Corey
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| things... |
| 06.06.04 (10:36 pm) [edit] |
So yeah it's been a while. Things are going good lately...sorta. My dads in the hospital. Hes really sick. Thats the not so good part of things but other than that things are cool.
Friday I saw Ashley again. That made things so much better for me. I was going through hell until I saw her again. thank you Ash. You mean so much to me. I appreciate everything about you. You're so awesome. *kisses*
I dont really have much to say but I just wanted to post atleast alittle something.
Well I'm outty.
~Corey
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Draw this darkness out like poison. Stab,retrieve,again decline. Help me drive the dagger deeper trace with me explicit line. Take this blade,a test of faith and strike me deep and true. I put all my trust in you...
This is my monkey! I shall name him Frank and he shall be mine!
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My love were meant to be like a raging fire that's burning free. My vision is blurry so I close my eyes and I see you here with me...
What else can I say? I love her.
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