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Words of wisdom:
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| Life,death,and love |
| 02.25.04 (10:36 pm) [edit] |
Why are we afraid to die? Why does it really matter. I mean we live. We suffer,then we die. Thats the cycle,and theres nothing we can do to change it. We have some good times in our lives....if were lucky,but the path is still set before us no matter how hard we try to believe otherwise. I dont fear death,nor do I fear pain,but I do fear life. I fear being alone. I fear not knowing what the futre will hold. Will I live to see 21,or will I drop before time? Who will be there when I die? Who will be there if I'm alone? Why cant I have a simple mind like most people. Why cant I be just a stupid little lamb that trusts that he'll be fed,and given water when I need it? I know otherwiseI know this world,and life in general dosent work that way. I know the only one thats gonna take care of me is me. I really dont want to be alone again....ever.
I love my Ashley so much,and I hope I never lose her. The more I think about losing her the more I think life blows. I hate this. Please dont ever leave me Ash. I swear I'll die if I lose her. Damn thinking about this makes me crazy. I start talking like life has no meaning,and I dont give a half fuck,but I really really do. I want people to view me as having no emotion at all,but I do. Ash is one of the first people that brought that out in me. I'm so stupid. How could I be so happy yet be so damn depressed at the same time? Wow.....I really do love her...lol. But seriously I do. With everything in me,and with all my heart. I'm in love with Ashley,and it's hopeless. I'm always gonna love her. Theres nothing anyone can do to change it either. Thank God my mom likes her,cuz I think I found the one for me. I just hope to NEVER lose her.
Well,once again sorry for the drama. I just think like an idiot. I love you Ash. *muah*
~Corey
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| a much needed update. |
| 02.16.04 (9:17 pm) [edit] |
Well valentines day went good. I saw Ashley,and we had a great day. I just love my baby so much. I just wanna hug her forever,and ever. Well like I said that day went great,but that night went terrible. I went to my dads wedding,and I was his best man....BAH!!!!!! Well I saw him buy heroine from this nasty looking fucker,and when he drove Ash to Laplace to meet her parents he was all fucked up,and loaded. He was swerving all over the place,and he almost drove off the bridge like three times. That makes me want to kill him. I mean stab him until you cant even tell he's a man anymore.
He got arrested that night too...lol :twisted: He said I'm a "son of a bitch",and he "dosent wanna be in my life anymore" Well hes right....I am a "son of a bitch" Hes nothing but a bitch,and not a man at all. A real man would work for his money instead of dealing drugs. He blames it all on his back trouble. Hes such a hypochondriac. He gets a sore throat,and he swears he has cancer. He also said today that I'm not his son,cuz my mom fucked his brother while he was locked up before I was born. You know how many times I wish I could've said he's not my dad? I hate him so fucking much. I hope he dies,and suffers too. If I see him any time soon Ima fuck him up,and noone can hold me back. NO FUCKING BODY!!!!! I wanna see anyone try to stop me. I want his lil family to try something. I wanna see his punk ass drunk family try to do ANYTHING to me. I HATE YOU ALL!!!!!! FUCK YOU ALL!!!!! I HOPE YOU ALL DIE!!!! I have enough hate inside me to physically fuck them,and anyone else who gets involved up.
But I wont drop another tear. I'll never drop a tear in the name of my father again. You see even through all that hate I also bleed love through my pores. Love for Ashley,and love for my mother for always being there. I seriously love you both,and yall are my favoratist girls in the whole wide world. Ashley,you never have let me cry without knowing you love me,and you'll always have my back,and in return I give you my heart. Mom through thick,and thin you were the one who showed me,and taught me everything I know about life. About love,and about how to treat that special girl when I meet her. Mom I'm gonna give ya what you want,and what I want. One day Im going to marry Ashley. My mom said she knows Ash is the one for me,and she like begged me to stay with her,and I will because mom knows best,and I love Ashley with all my heart,and soul. Mom,my best friend...I love you. Ash my everything,I love you. I will continue to be there for both of you. I'll never hurt either of you. I hold you both dearist in my heart.
Well that'll about do it for now. I hope everyone finds love,and I hope you find happiness. Until next time later days.....
~Corey
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| my quest to find myself....oh there I am |
| 02.09.04 (10:39 pm) [edit] |
dont ask...I think I'm going nucking futs. Well my search for bandmembers continues. I cant wait to get this bitch going again,and play some fuckin shows. As soon as I get a band going I can get a show at Zepp's no problem. Oh well.....it'll happen in due time I guess.
V-day is creeping up on me really quick. I shopped for my Ashley allittle today. I'm not done yet though. I got alot more money to spend...hehehe :twisted: I get to see her again this weekend....it's friggin great. And mommy wont be home...mwahahahaha :wink: Well I think i'll hush now...lol. I love ya Ash!!!!
Well I have nothing else to rant about so I guess I'll be off to bed now.
Corey :twisted:
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| I'm seeing two of everything!!!!! |
| 02.08.04 (11:27 pm) [edit] |
Curses I'm sick!!!!!!!! Damn Sars!!!!!! Nah it's a just sinus infection. I'm taking meds with codiene in it so I'm all whoa,and shit,so bear with me here. Well better topic...I saw my Ashley Sat. It was so amazing. Shes so perfect for me. IM IN LOVE!!!! lol. I know we'll be happy together,and I hope and pray we'll be toether forever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever,and ever. Ok...thats enough. I just get so happy when I see her,and it brings out my dingy side...lol.....I love ya babers!!!! :D
I talked to my friend Larry tonight about getting an appt. That's gonna be great. Hes like the coolest mother fucker I know. We always got along so well. Hes my drinking buddy too....lol We'll have lots of fun...lol. Only thing is hes gay,so that is a bit weird I guess,but atleast he wont bring a bunch of girls over. That would be bad,cuz I dont want Ashley to worry about all that crazy shyt happening. I know she trusts me,but I just dont want all those bitches at my house while I have a girl...ya know? But Larry knows I'm str8,and he's never tried anything weird with me,so that wont be an issue.
my quest for an automobile is going good. I'll have a nice lil car really soon,and I can go get my baby from Ponchy whenever I want......RAWK ON!!!!!!
Oh well I must depart to bed now. Stay sic fuckas!!!!!!!!
Corey :twisted:
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| just another post |
| 02.03.04 (11:39 pm) [edit] |
Everything seems to be going pretty nicely lately. I never have reasons to cry anymore. I havent felt like saying "BAH" in a while,and thats saying alot. At one point I was a mess. Well you all know that,but I just wanted to say I'm still doing ok. I mean a few days ago I did feel allitle down in the dumps,and I cut myself,but it's all good now.
I swear having a good girl makes a world of diffrence. As soon as life turns into shit,shes there to pick me up off the floor,and you can see the peace,and happiness in my eyes. Where there was once a empty emotionless face there is now nothing but pure love. Love for Ashley. Love for life,and love for myself for not leaving,and having her as a part of my life.
Tonight we kinda talked about being together for the rest of our lives,and we talked about how I dont wanna continue med school,cuz I dont wanna be a four year resident,and have to leave her for like 18 hour days. Shes way more important to me than being some doctor. No matter what I'll make good money,and I promise I'll always take care of her,and I want her to know that if we do stick together I'll be by her side,and stay loyal to her always.
My vision is blury,but when I open my eyes it's you I see....standing here with me.
that was a line from a song I wrote about her called "here with me" I know I talk about her alot,but shes the only thing in my little life worth talking about. Shes made me who I am right now,and if it werent for Ash I would be so broken,and cold. Shes saved me from that,and I love everything about her. Shes given me no reason to wanna leave,but shes given me every reason to wanna stay. I <3 you babydoll.>
~Corey
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Draw this darkness out like poison. Stab,retrieve,again decline. Help me drive the dagger deeper trace with me explicit line. Take this blade,a test of faith and strike me deep and true. I put all my trust in you...
This is my monkey! I shall name him Frank and he shall be mine!
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My love were meant to be like a raging fire that's burning free. My vision is blurry so I close my eyes and I see you here with me...
What else can I say? I love her.
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